I have this problem where if I look at the art of other people, I don’t just appreciate how much time and effort was put into it, but I actually become very jealous of that person’s work. I don’t know if this is a normal thing for other people who craft certain things, whether it be stories of all kinds of genres, pieces of artwork visual or musical, and other things from building useful items like houses and new inventions. All I know is that I can’t walk into a gallery anymore without a dreaded feeling or the thoughts of “I’ll never be that great” or “Why can’t I be as good as [ insert artist name ] ?”
As an artist, I wish I could be able to appreciate other’s works without getting these emotions. It’s hard to browse, let’s say something like Deviant Art and the people on there that are really talented, or just do what I do; drawings/comics for fun. I just get these dreaded feelings of jealousy and hopelessness.
If you’re wondering about why I don’t just make something like an account to something like Deviant Art, don’t even mention it. I already criticize my own work enough as it is, I don’t need some snotty 10 year old telling me that my work is bad or some 30 with so much experience telling me how to do something. I just don’t want to hear all of the “advice” real or not, good or not, from people. This may be handicapping me way more than I think, but I have such a low self esteem already, I beat myself down enough as it is so another person telling me I’m not good at what I love and what I may as well be doing in the future to survive… well, I just hope I don’t give up entirely, let’s just leave it at that.
It’s not an external problem, no one is really making me feel this way. It’s myself and trust me, people have tried to fix it. Perhaps I don’t want to change because I’m afraid of experiencing stuff out of my comfort zone.
Sorry for anyone who had to read this depressing junk. I might seem repetitive at times and I don’t notice. ;-;
Because of this post though, I’ve started a new category labeled “Journal/Personal.” These will most likely take the format of this where they seem like an online and published journal entry.