The title pretty much explains what I’m going to post about in this particular post. This might seem very random and will be one of those more journal-like posts I make. I guess I’ll also reflect on how I’ve been doing in life as of this point, since in a couple of months I will be free to roam this world lost trying to find a purpose/job.
Before my final year of High School…
First off, I will start out with my ability to draw, since it’s gotten me so far and has helped me a lot as far as stress, developing some kind of skill, helping me learn what I actually want to be when I’m an adult. When I was younger, way before I could draw well or so I felt I couldn’t draw at all. When I was average in drawing skills around the people in my age group, I had a passion for dinosaurs. I felt like these animals had so much mystery around them since all our information comes from fossils, which are just rocks with bone impressions, and how so many people could come up with theories for the bazaar features those animals had. They were in a sort of way like dragons, but real.
Soon, I went into the phase where a child started to where a mask everywhere they went. To all those places where I thought people would judge, I would put on a mask that became more emotionless and blank as I grew older. When I went into this phase, I stopped showing my passion for dinosaurs for a couple of years, thinking that it wasn’t normal for someone like me to like dinosaurs. Some of my family members certainly didn’t help my point of view when they would buy me that stupid “girly” stuff when I asked for toys the boys would normally play with. e_e Since I was hiding and sort of forgetting that I had a strong ( it’s not as strong as it was then, but I still love dinosaurs ) passion for dinosaurs, I turned my energies towards more “normal” things for girls around my age ( mind you, I was still in elementary school. )
Another passion soon grew inside of me. It started when I had been watching one of the episodes in one of the early seasons of Pokemon ( back when Ash was in Kanto ) and I had told myself, “I want to draw like that.” So that night, when I told myself that, I went to my room, got a piece of paper and pencil and tried to draw a plushy Pikachu that sat in front of me. It wasn’t that great, considering it was one of the first drawings I did that actually had a purpose. Not to mention I was still in early elementary school, around the age of 10 of lower. But that moment, with that Pikachu picture, even though it was horrible and I knew it, I had actually told myself something amazing at such a young age.
“It’s not good, but one day I’ll get better.” Almost a little over a decade later, here I am getting ready to do the school newspaper for my high school. People tell me, even though I disagree with them, that I am good at what I do draw. Some people I’ve talked to have even told me they would be willing to pay some money for some of the things I drew or that I should sell my work. Some people who are artists who are still trying to figure out what they actually like, the medias you use, the subjects you draw, how you actually utilize those things, are probably like, “Oh my gosh, another person trying to write some horrible motivational speech and how they started out with a cliche beginning with a cliche story for a cliche message to people.”
Well, yeah, I’m not good at giving people motivation, but at least I can sometimes try to make people feel better even when I don’t feel well. ( even though right now I feel pretty great for once :> )
I’ve told you some of the good things people tell me, but I haven’t told you some of the bad things people tell me. Not necessarily bad to me, but about themselves and their art. A lot of people tell me they’re not good at art and how whenever they draw, something doesn’t turn out right or some other excuse you can think of that someone would say to justify not to me why they’re bad at drawing, but to themself why they’re bad at drawing.
Look, I’m tired of people saying they can’t draw and all of those excuses when it comes to someone who’s somewhat serious about the things they make when they draw, or whatever else they might do that would count as visual art. Sometimes, I wish I could tell those people, “I was just like you, I didn’t like my art (even though I still find ways to hate and criticize my own works of art ) and I didn’t start where I am now. I just kept drawing pretty much everyday or whenever I could.”
I should wrap up this little crap-motivational speech about making amateur art and art in general by saying this; I drew what I loved even though it wasn’t like all those other artists and in return people loved what I drew. Art and anything really is like a sport, you have to stay on top of it. An example would be a daily player on Feng’s AoTTG is way better than someone who played the game, but stopped playing for a while.
Actual first school day as a senior ( class of 2017 senior, yay! I’m scared! 😀 )
I dreaded it, had a mental break down, the night before the first school day morning was hell. I’m not going to lie about that. I’m scared for what I’m going to do, if I do manage to get out of school on time ( cursed online courses I need to do to make up a class or two. ) I do say, through high school, I started to kind of find out what kind of person I really was. I’m still shy around people I don’t know, but today was so different than any other school day.
I actually talked to people for once. I actually went out of my comfort zone and did stuff I wouldn’t normally do. Aside from talking and interacting with people, instead of going to the lunch room, I actually went to the teacher who hosts all of those school publications right as soon as the lunch bell rang. It was like today all of a sudden I was another person and it was weird.
I was actually confident, at least to an extent, what I wanted to do and when I walked into a class room, I told myself how I was going to handle the classroom, etc. In a high school as big as mine, I was surprised that aside from the German and Orchestra teacher, I had two other teachers I had when I was a sophomore. It was actually a really good day. I haven’t felt that good in a while. :>
I kind of acted like a hypocrite when back then, I was acting all hissy about motivational speakers. e_e Everyone is a hypocrite at some point in their lives. Also, I’d like to say sorry for this being kind of random and scrambled, but like I said in the beginning, this was more like a journal entry. So yeah, kind of personal and random. :> At least this was a more positive post.