I’ve had some very harsh feelings for Yukito for some of the things he did, but recently after I had taken a painting I had made for him, despite all of the negative things I pinned to him, for his birthday, I realized how much of a jerk I had been to him.
I walked into his house, still sort of resenting him and thinking he was just going to be a jerk or something of that nature ( stress of school, my dog who isn’t showing signs of sickness, yay! and a broken friendship didn’t help at all ) because I’m insecure. My default setting is set on “everyone-you-make-contact-with-my-betray-you” mode or being the quiet and unreadable person. I do admit, I seem optimistic when talking in those chats for video games, but like most people, I just don’t want everyone to hate me even though that’s obviously impossible ( but oh well :> ) but when it comes to social situations, I’m socially anxious. When I talk the words come out in a chopped up and obliterated mess, sometimes I talk to softly to the point where my vocals strain to get that quiet or sometimes I won’t know what to do and look at the other person funny.
Any I had painted him a very I guess weird excuse for a kakemono ( one of those tea scrolls with flowers that are used in Japanese tea ceremonies ) with very weird black roses and what I hope is real kanji for the word “hope.”
I walk into his house on his birthday, still kind of mad and upset with him for my confused perception of him, with a present with ironically enough I spent days on making just for him. Setting the wrapped up painting on his dining table, me and Zeky follow him into his kitchen because we’re introverts and everyone from his family seemed to have gathered there and to be honest, me and Zeky were scared and uncomfortable. While he was talking to some family and I had made some pretty pathetic attempts to start conversation with them, I start looking around at my surroundings. What I say on his refrigerator surprised me the most ( we American’s like to put stuff with magnets on our fridges. :^) )
I see that despite me being a legit asshole to him, he kept all of the things I had ever drawn for him. Not only that, he had pictures from almost 5-3 years ago on his fridge still. I couldn’t believe he kept those even though I was a jerk to him online because of Shika’s encouragement and peer pressure and even bullying and mocking, and for me over reacting over little things. That’s not even the end of it…
We agreed to go on a Pokémon GO expedition to one of the closest gyms with one of his family members. I was scared that someone was going to look through my precious sketch book or destroy one of the sketches in it while we were away, so I asked him if he could hide my sketchbook somewhere. He lead me and Zeky to his room so he could show us where he put it. Me and Zeky just looked around his room like we were stupid.
He kept the blue, stuffed triceratops we gave him and it was sitting on his dresser, posters of Attack on Titan ( AoT/SnK ) on his wall ( because we all three loved the anime long ago ) and his room just looked bland and depressing. After seeing his room it all just hit me like a bullet train. Yukito had actually been a great friend the whole time, even though I complained about and mocked a lot of things he did.
After I had lost Shikareum, I realized that it was my doing that may have made Yukito act the way he did and why he might have developed an unspecified depression.
The past aside, I will try to make Yukito feel better because I realized the things I did were wrong. I hope to sort of restart the friendship and this painting symbolized a new beginning. Funny out of all words I decided to put “hope” on it.