I’ve noticed that for someone as quiet as me, talking to people that I’ve actually opened up to can make me feel so much better. It’s way better to talk to people about things that you both share interests in and problems you have with your life. Not to mention, you both add on to an amazing bond that keeps getting stronger.
When you’re someone who gets social anxiety even with huge groups in events such as family gatherings, it’s kind of hard to open up and talk to anyone. This has always been the case with me. The worst days in the whole school year would be the beginning of the new semesters which we, as most American students who go to a public school, have two of them.
The reason for me being socially anxious ( if that’s even correct word use ) is because I feel like people will and would’ve been judging me. Everyone who’s reading this has sat there, looked at something someone has made, including something as small as someone’s outfit to something bigger like this blog, a social media account, or a resume. Something of that nature. It’s probably because your first impression on someone is one of the most important impressions you’ll have on someone.
A first impression could ultimately be your last impression on something or someone.
This is probably why someone like me doesn’t want to give the “wrong” first impression and tries their best to seem like the perfect or ideal human being. Trying to do this, from my own experiences, is a paradox. No one is perfect, I know that, but it won’t stop me from trying to be perfect or my ideal self.
Because of this over exaggerated fear of me making the wrong impression on people, I don’t pay attention to what kind of impression I actually want to make. This fear has also made me terrified of people. When I say terrified, I mean that when someone I’ve even opened up to can’t even hug me because of my fear for people. Since I’ve brought this up, someone who’s reading this is going “it’s because of something that was so traumatic to this girl that psychological her brain registers other humans as a possible threat.”
Yes, I’ve had many times were I’ve felt traumatized by an alcoholic father with anger issues, who was also later diagnosed with schizophrenia. It’s just been confusion in the house since I’ve been growing up.