Finally, I get to sleep in and do mostly nothing for two whole weeks because it’s finally spring break! And with that, I can finally spend hours or whatever time I want playing this game I just got into called Pokemon Duel! But I’m becoming a little worried about something…
My Anxieties Part (depressing part)
I’m becoming more anxious and worried about what will happen to me after high school, if I even graduate. The reason why there’s a chance I might not graduate is because 4/8 classes I’m failing and the classes that are fine are slowly creeping down as well. Other than the normal teenager excuses like “I don’t want to do the work,” “I don’t feel like doing anything,” and things of that general nature, my grades seem to be going down hill also because of something I’ve had to deal with since I was a child.
My alcoholic dad.
He’s to no surprise, still a drunk three to four time a week and can sometimes make me want to punch him in the face because he’s so stupid. Because of an incident last year, I’ve had it with him, I literally can not be in a room with him, even if he’s sober and being polite because that’s how much I distrust and hate him. I’ve had many traumatic incidents in my childhood because of his ignorant, drunk self.
The low self esteem, the fear of talking to people and distrusting people and having overall negative thoughts followed with a depression that can lay dormant for weeks only to consume all of my mind. Sorry for getting wordy, you get the point. I just hate him. I’ve disowned him a long time ago while I was still entering middle school. He’s just another person who just is there.
Nothing really special about him.
Because of an incident last year, me and my sister just wait for my mom to pick us up and take us to her work with her. We usually spend an extra 2 hours or so not home and doing whatever because of my dad’s drinking. And on top of that, it’s like half the week that he’s drunk too. Then my mom decided to add something else to my little crap cake; she’s going to cut me off from all electronics, and yes I’m a teenager in the 21st century, I’m attached to my devices, (-.-) until she sees my grades improving.
I already feel like I’m not going to graduate. The sad thing is, I could care less about my graduation, even though all of my family members want to go all out for it.
It’s just rough and I already think I’m going to fail and there’s no point in moving on because I feel as though I’m a disappointment. I mean, all I can do is put lines on paper, put some color and boom. Colorful paper. And even though my “talents” in art are apparently “good” no one seems to actually give a flying shot about the drawings…
I’ll move on because from what my sister does, what I say that’s pessimistic, no one wants to hear or in this case read.
Pokemon Duel Part (happier part)
On a lighter note, I’ve gotten into this mobile device app called Pokemon Duel. Which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than Pokemon GO in my honest opinion because I feel like it stimulates your brain more with strategic fighting. On top of that, unlike Pokemon GO, you can sit in your cozy home and play against friends. Though it’s time consuming like Pokemon GO, it’s just a more… Pokemon game I guess.
I still don’t have a clue for what I should do for new banners and stuff, hopefully will get around my gloomy thoughts on my life right now and push myself to do something about it, but I doubt it.